In the style of Dooce's monthly letters to her daughter Leta...Dear Bella,
How is it that you are a month old today?
Time has never been as crazy as it has been over the past month, starting with your birth. Take the pushing for example; while it only took a little over an hour in real time, it felt like it took two years. Time has turned slippery on me as we move through the days. We are so busy, but I'm not sure what exactly keeps us so busy. All I know is that hours slip by without me noticing. In fact, I've even become one of those moms who forgets to eat. ME! I never thought it could happen. When I used to hear a mom say that, I would think, "Pffft! Whatever. How do you forget to eat?". Yet one day I noticed I was starving for lunch and after consulting a clock I discovered it was 3:30 in the afternoon. I hadn't eaten since 9:30 AM. Quite honestly, I can recall one other time in my life where I "forgot" to eat. It just doesn't (didn't) happen to me. A baby really does change things.
Speaking of how you have changed things, I have to admit that I wasn't prepared for how much you would change our life. I see pregnant women on the street and, assuming they are first time moms, I think to myself, "Oh...you just don't know what you're in for." This is a completely obnoxious thought on my part, as that sort of comment drove me insane prior to your arrival. But it's true. How can a person know until they are in it? And, whoa baby, are we in the thick of it.
But we are figuring things out and are settling into something of a routine. You are sleeping decently some nights (4 hour stretches) which makes up for the nights you don't sleep so well (2 hour stretches with up to 2 hours awake in between each sleep period). As far as me feeding you, we seem to have gotten the hang of it. Unfortunately, you have extended the ban of me consuming caffeine indefinitely, which I have to say I'm really, really devastated about. It seems you take after your father when it comes to your inability to tolerate caffeine. Other than that, you seem able to handle everything else just fine - onions, garlic, dairy, broccoli, and chocolate don't seem to cause any problems. You even seem to tolerate my consumption of lentils, although you do become quite the fruity tooty baby after that. Is it wrong that I find it adorable when you have long, loud toots in your sleep?
I'm excited to start interacting more with you and seeing you take in the world around you. Right now the two things that seem to make you happiest are when your daddy does his
crazy horse noise and when you are naked on the changing table. What will it be next month? Or in a year? Or in ten?
Anyway, baby, you are already growing and changing so much and we are still just getting to know each other. I suspect I will cry at some point in the next month as I have to fold and put away your newborn clothes. Your daddy and I love to gaze at you as we try to decide who you take after. You seem to have my nose and mouth and your daddy's chin. Your eyes are blue right now, but that might change. Your hair seems to be getting lighter and the front has mostly fallen out, creating quite the baby mullet. Your ears, with their funny little dent along the outside are a mystery. Perhaps there is some second cousin in India or on Staten Island with the same ears? I can't help but marvel at the wonder of genetics. To see the genetic result of combining your father and I is just amazing. Look baby, you have turned me terribly cheesy and cliched.
You really have changed it all.
Love,
Your Mama
[Papa P.S. - Bella, I feel so fortunate. Your presence in our lives has truly inspired me to be the best man I can be. While I know that I will let you down at times, fall short of being as patient as I want to be, etc. there will never be a day that I'm not trying my hardest to find the true meaning of unconditional love with you and your Mom and any brothers or sisters that you might have in the future.
As my time with you, free from the distractions and obligations of work life, comes to an end, I am deeply saddened that I will miss stretches of your rapidly changing life but please always know that this sacrifice is necessary and that your Mom and I are so happy and realize how fortunate we are that at least one of us won't have to. You are such an incredible gift and, just as I've feared, I've fallen deeper and deeper in love with the security of our family. Why fear? Because I don't necessarily know how to how else to feel about something that means so much to me and that I'm truly dependent upon for my happiness. With all of my love...forever.]
